She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
