we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
