His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
