Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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