Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
