is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
