I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Are my feet made of real feet?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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