so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
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