3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
