Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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