You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
