That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
