Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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