My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
