i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
