Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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