Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
