I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
