What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
