Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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