party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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