Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
did i walk over a car last night?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
