actually, I'm a sock model
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
