I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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