I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Girls should come with a carfax report
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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