Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
