Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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