we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
