Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
