I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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