When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
