Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
