I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
