We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
