i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
don't judge my taste in strippers
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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