the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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