Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
