dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
