dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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