At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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