remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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