I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
