im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
