just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
