that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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