every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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