allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
