my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
