just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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