Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
