Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we made out on top of his cat.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I need water and some morals
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
