and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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