Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
